Why do I live in Minnesota?

Show me a gay boy that likes the cold and tons of snow, and I'll swear they're not gay till the day I die. Not being from here originally, I can no longer buy the excuse of "well I was born here so it's all I know". It's 2007, you can click on the TV or surf the web and see that it is NOT -20 degrees everywhere else in the country. Hell, it's not even -20 degrees ANYWHERE else but Minnesota...and well maybe North Dakota...but do cows really feel cold?

To the outside reader the obvious question would be...well if you don't like it, why are YOU there? Valid question, especially since I am a Texas native who although had lived as far north Kentucky before moving to Minnesota, the only true exposure I had to winter was through the Weather Channel...and I am guessing that doesn't count.

No, I don't ice fish, I don't ski, I don't do much of anything other than trying to limit the lung damage that is caused while running from the bus to work and home. Lungs shouldn't sting as though you were just stabbed in the back. You shouldn't be able to feel every nose hair you have stand up and SCREAM at you by freezing instantaneously.

One of the first things I noticed about the people who live in Minnesota, other than the obvious lack of survival instinct since THEY STILL LIVE HERE, was the blotchy red cheeks that they would get in the cold. Kinda like someone applied blush to them before a commercial about how to plug in your car was about to tape. Yes, you heard me right.....people PLUG in their car up here. In the summer time you can see the cords hanging out of the front of their car. Upon first site I was like...WOW, they all drive electric cars. WRONG! Electricity is the only thing strong enough, PURE ELECTRIC CURRENT mind you is required to keep Detroit STEEL from falling apart during a Minnesota winter. They pass it off as a "car warmer"...but who are we kidding? It's nothing more than paddles to jumpstart your car once it codes.

Anyway, back to the red cheeks. I thought it was disease at first. Which, hey, maybe it was a symptom of why people NEVER MOVED AWAY from this area. But come to find it was from the cold weather and not because they HAD to be in it. No no no, it was from them WANTING to be in. They grew up playing outside. Hell, they even send them outside when it is 10 degrees outside and the kids are in DAYCARE! Doesn't that qualify under cruel and unusual punishment?

But back to my subject title. Why do I live in Minnesota? I moved here from Tennessee in 1998 in order to work for the world reknown Mayo Clinic. Yes, I have endured torture for 9 years now and it was all self-inflicted! DAMN those paychecks that keep you working!

What I don't get is that I WANT to leave but can't because well, what I do for a living isn't something you can find in every town in America....but when I see all these other people walking around that COULD leave but they DON'T, it, it, it, my brain just exploded. Logic does not work on these people.

'Nuff for now.